voicetest the voiceless
Oct. 31st, 2022 05:57 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
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They're not dead.
Less dead than they'd felt, at least. Their shell doesn't normally take so long to reform.
Then again. Their shell doesn't usually break of their own violation as they ascended in a boiling rage, ate at least one realm, a god, and all the Godseekers.
(That last point is debatable, actually. There's some odd sense, deep under their...shell? Void? Wherever they once stored things like Isma's Tear, much deeper now...that the sea-mind is still there, sluggish and held in a stasis. They're already adjusting enough, and they don't seem to be dying or trying to kill them, so that problem is neatly sorted as 'for later'.)
They push their body to stand. Their horn clangs uncomfortably loudly against the grate they've apparently woken up beneath. They're somewhere in the Royal Waterways. A quick check of the map--or, not so quick, as it takes time to locate where it had been--shows they've risen about halfway through, closer to the City of Tears than the White Palace. They'll go to the Stag Station in the City Storerooms next.
So they think. Complications arise on the way.
The Infection is gone, leaving dead Flukes, Pilflips, and Hwurmps in piles enough it takes time to force their way past. Their body seems too small. No, their body is fine--there's something wrong with perception itself. That will take time to adjust to.
Then, they discover the Monarch Wings now stretch and warp when used, twisting around the nearest pipes after landing before the Knight forcibly calls them back. Shade Wings, they decide to call these.
Once they're high enough to hear the rain above, they realize a noise they'd ascribed to water running in the distance is, in fact, something swirling behind their mask. Many somethings. All the fragments of Siblings with enough self left, staring out from their eyes. It's disconcerting.
By the time they actually get out of the Waterways, they're using their Shade Wings to grip ledges and drag themselves up, with those holding onto things better than their own arms are with the Mantis Claw.
The Knight faceplants awkwardly onto the floor of the building Lemm's shop is in. If the City is the same as below, there's little left to try killing them in the area.
They'll just take a moment here, thanks.
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Date: 2023-03-17 10:30 am (UTC)No, they can. They just won't. They won't let Lemm climb down alone, or force him to brave the Stagways without choice. They're too benevolent for that.
They had to leave. They would not have granted her request, but they may have done something else they'd regret.
They're furious. They're hurt. They're insulted. That last one shouldn't be important, but it won't be shaken off: they simply are. That she would be so polite to them, and speak to the Knight about being seen as they are and then ask for that. As though they're yet nothing but Void that will drown someone they care about, as much as they may not have been friends.
Mechanically, they tilt their head up to meet Lemm's distant gaze.
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Date: 2023-03-17 10:38 am (UTC)"...I'm coming down," he calls. Wait. Wait for him. Yes, they can't go, but only not yet.
The grapple comes out; he's faster than he was, but always careful, a sense of urgency not outweighing years of being careful. Not until the end, anyway, when there's a drop from the last platform he decides he can manage. Lemm hangs over the edge of it and drops neatly to ground level into a crouch, with a grunt that is only slightly strained, and pushes himself up with his hands.
He comes to their side. And he glances up, just for a moment, wondering what on earth happened up there.
Lemm does not make the mistake of asking just yet.
Rattled, he offers this instead: "Shall we walk?"
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Date: 2023-03-17 10:50 am (UTC)They want to use the Crystal Heart and blast across the Resting Grounds until they've left it behind.
They hop down and start forward.
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Date: 2023-03-17 11:01 am (UTC)Seer had seemed so calm! And easygoing! He'd left so easily because she'd been that way, he'd thought he had nothing to worry about. What could she possibly have said or done-?
He slows for a moment as they pass through the tunnel, falling behind so that he can swap to the Knight's other side, putting himself between them and the Dreamers' memorial and most of the strange horn-shapes. Not as if he can block them out, but it still feels right. And he talks.
"I've not a clue what happened back there, or what you need. A walk's something, though, isn't it? Where to?" So that they don't feel compelled to pull out paper: "I'll go with you. You set the pace, eh?"
That they might be trying to escort him home occurs to him, and is held at arm's length. Ugh, he hopes not.
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Date: 2023-03-17 11:10 am (UTC)Their claws itch at the thought. They don't want to write. They don't want--anything, but perhaps to turn back and Shriek their fury. That won't be productive, and won't make them seem the Knight, no matter that it is them. Their rage. Their affront.
They continue on, through the Grounds, past Xero's grave, on and on until they realize they've halted in front of the empty Tram station, not absorbing anything on the way.
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Date: 2023-03-17 11:24 am (UTC)"Aye. Best to keep moving," he offers, after a bit. He should keep talking. Right? "The sooner we're out of here the better - we'll go somewhere less depressing..." Except he can't think much to talk about that isn't the Resting Grounds, or about Moths, or just continuing to talk about what they're doing as they're doing it. And all of that feels like just adding more of the same to the pile, so...
Lemm does stay quiet for a while.
And, ah. They're at the Tram Station. Except the Knight just seems to be standing there.
...Don't they-? He thought they must have a Pass, considering where they've been. Maybe not.
Lemm scrambles for his bag at the realisation and it takes him a second to dig around, but from an inside pocket he withdraws one of his own, and holds it up like a suggestion. Yes? No? They knew this was here, it's on their map, but he's no stranger to forgetting where he's going when his mind is occupied.
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Date: 2023-03-17 11:36 am (UTC)They wonder, distantly, where he might've gotten it. How rare they were was impressed upon them by how cursedly difficult it was to find their own, in the worst mess of Deepnest their third go-round.
They nod shortly and let him do as he will. When it arrives, they'll sit.
Not hit the button. Only sit. They don't have a goal beyond being out of the Resting Grounds.
This is worse than the Nailsmith. Then, they'd been significantly more detached. It was easier to consider before discarding it. They didn't know each other. He was the Nailsmith, they were a client he served his best for, and that was the whole of it. But for the quality Nail he forged, this sort of relationship was hardly uncommon.
They're not at that level of detached now. Not in general. Not after they'd just written out half their Shade for her, right then and there, about their hopes for the future.
--And she isn't even alone. The Nailsmith had been. Even Cloth had been. Except for them. A stranger. They weren't anymore, to Seer. Or so they'd made the mistake of believing.
Shade Wings curling around its cushions, the Knight presses flat against the back of the seat.
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Date: 2023-03-17 11:53 am (UTC)The Tram comes - because of course it does, it's a marvel of engineering and it's another of those ostentatious look-at-what-Hallownest-can-get-done things that he's so fond of, and it's only goodness knows how old and still working...
...A sigh. Enough. Lemm manages to keep his mouth shut, and settles for tracing a hand on the door frame on his way in. The Knight sits, so he draws over to operate the controls, and then takes a seat near the end. Feels like a bad idea to crowd the Knight right now.
There are bodies in here.
Lemm looks out of the window.
"Won't take long," he mutters, completely at a loss.
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Date: 2023-03-17 12:01 pm (UTC)--over there.
He isn't wrong; they don't want crowding. They don't want company.
And that isn't fair to Lemm. They brought him here, they are friends, they try to be--benevolent. They wish they could spit that word like an Aspid.
They don't want him to feel like they're upset with him. They don't want to upset him more than they likely have.
When the Tram rumbles to a stop, they don't get up. Their Wings untangle themselves from the seat, and they scoot over, staring down at their lap.
An invitation. If he likes.
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Date: 2023-03-17 12:21 pm (UTC)The rattling, noisy silence of the moving Tram at least gives him time to think, but he's grateful when it stops.
Lemm braces a hand on the back of his seat to push upright, and makes to leave -
- ah.
He comes to stand in front of them, instead.
"...Not in the mood for a walk, then?" He - will, if that's the case. Only - whatever it is - it seems suspicious that they've decided to have a sit down about it.
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Date: 2023-03-17 12:30 pm (UTC)They keep staring at their lap for a while. They should explain. Their mind won't cooperate to even think properly, to form the aching tightness into something to be expressed through ink.
Thoughtlessly, their paw goes to their Nail, pressed between their wings and the seat.
After realizing this, with somewhat more intent, they lean forward and draw it out, holding it with the point carefully aimed opposite of Lemm.
And then they just...look at it. Pure. Shining. Amazing. A wonderful Nail. Theirs.
But still a Nail.
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Date: 2023-03-17 12:55 pm (UTC)Accepting that he won't understand something (at least for a while) is antithetical to who he is, but... Is not knowing really important right now?
They are sitting there holding their Nail like they're seeing it for the first time, and they aren't using it to cut down plants or metal posts, so he will have to accept that storming around slashing at things is not what they want to do right this minute. At face value. Without knowing for certain, or understanding why.
Lemm heaves a sigh, dumps his bag on the floor, and sits down beside them.
"I don't know what you're thinking," he admits quietly. "And you've no obligation to share. Keep your paper to yourself, I'm not that nosy."
Gingerly, and uncertain if this is going to make them more uncomfortable or less in whatever mood they're in, Lemm just stares at the floor, and rests a hand lightly on top of their head. One way to find out if he's being too much.
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Date: 2023-03-17 01:12 pm (UTC)In his presence, with physical touch grounding them, their anger is ebbing; the resulting hurt isn't. Seer was so placid, so certain. The Nailsmith had not a thought in his mind when they were staring at his back.
For a long while, they're still, with only the sound of Lemm's breathing and distant, distant dripping from somewhere outside. The lumaflies above them illuminate the metal's beautiful patterns.
Eventually, they put their Nail back, and pull out paper anyway. They have no doubt he's not going to expect what they next write. They can't gather the faculties to make it kinder.
When the Nailsmith finished my Pure Nail, he requested I kill him with it.
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Date: 2023-03-17 01:44 pm (UTC)They'd have been perfectly fine to, and it wouldn't have been about him, he's not so self-centred - sometimes a person needs space. But something tightens in his chest as he registers that's not why he was expecting it.
...His thumb brushes softly back and forth a couple of times against their mask before going still again.
There are tracks in the dust on the floor, from the door to the switch and the bench. Lemm's gaze wanders to the iron-braced windows and out at the fossils of the Crossroads Station, up to the lumaflies hovering idly in their glass lamps to watch the way their light catches on the decorated ceiling. He's not really thinking about it all; he's just looking, occupying himself. Lemm is in no rush to break the quiet. Maybe it's doing them both some good.
The Knight's paper rustles softly, and this is one of those times Lemm does not hover and read while they're in the middle of it. When they're done, he turns to look.
His hand slips away so that he can fold his arms across his front, and he's quiet for some time.
He looks away and smooths a hand partway up his longer horn in a muted little fidget.
"...It doesn't shock me."
Maybe that's a terrible thing to say. Lemm sighs.
"I told you he wasn't well. Any fool could see it. I could see it." They weren't wrong to have a similar thought once. He isn't exactly the shining example of emotional sensitivity. And yet.
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Date: 2023-03-17 07:48 pm (UTC)...It's good there isn't. Just now, they wouldn't know what to do with it.
I considered it. Not too long ago, they wouldn't have dared admit that. But it seemed pointless. and cruel. Even if he was reverent. It's a good blade but it is not the world. So I didn't.
The Knight's writing is a little choppy. They don't need to be saying this, really. They just are.
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Date: 2023-03-17 08:04 pm (UTC)But they tell him things, all the time. They're always telling him things.
Lemm's hands fold together in his lap. He stares at the floor, and thinks of the empty forge.
"Thought I should've said more," he says, finally. "Always been a poor neighbour, you know. I thought..."
He fidgets with his hands, then shakes his head dimly.
"Doesn't matter what I thought." The Nailsmith is fine, isn't he. "Doesn't matter what you thought about either. Except that you didn't do it."
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Date: 2023-03-17 08:12 pm (UTC)I don't regret it. Of course. I wouldnt have regretted it even if he found another way. I didnt really know him.
They think of the Nailsmith's back, looming large in their vision. Of Cloth's fear and later cheer. Of their sibling, still horrifically injured, crouched in the Failed Tramway for Hornet to track.
I didnt really know a lot of people here.
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Date: 2023-03-17 08:39 pm (UTC)"I didn't know him either. Just stopped by once or twice. Told myself it wasn't my business, but..." He belatedly and quietly corrects: "More than twice."
All his thoughts are so disjointed all of a sudden, and the Knight's seem the same. Thoughts of the Nailsmith have hounded them both more than they'd thought. Among other things.
Lemm frowns down at his hands.
"Not knowing people doesn't mean you aren't watching." They know this. He knows they know this.
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Date: 2023-03-17 08:58 pm (UTC)They should say...something.
Eventually. They keep their paper out on their lap, head bowed over it, as their thoughts move sluggishly.
He has Sheo now. Theyre happy, comes out eventually.
They've said this before. Lemm knows. Lemm is grateful.
I didn't know him. He didn't know me. I never wrote to him. I never did anything that anyone else wouldn't have done with a Nailsmith.
They're grateful he's alive. They're glad he's happy.
But the Nailsmith isn't the point of this. Not entirely.
Seer
wantedwants me to kill her.No. It's not just that. It's worse, they realize, all at once. She wants to follow the Radiance. The Radiance is more than dead. The Radiance is gone. It's what she never wanted, and what Seer does, for her, for all that she remembers.
She wants the Shadelord to kill and erase her and the memories she carries.
Their claws are trembling.
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Date: 2023-03-17 09:31 pm (UTC)It doesn't make sense to him. These things have never made sense to him, but he does know one thing with certainty:
"No," he says, a little hoarser than he meant to. Then again, differently and with growing agitation: "Absolutely not."
That sounds - it sounds like he's telling them what to do, but that's not it, he -
"Does she know?" Sorry, Knight, he is already sliding off the rails, and he doesn't leave any room for that to be a proper question to them. "She doesn't know," he reminds himself, after racing to collate the likely facts. "About you."
Lemm sits back in his seat and hooks a hand over the back of his long horn - it sort of hangs there like he's putting pressure behind it.
He should clarify.
"She's not to ask you that." He wasn't saying no, don't. He was saying no, she can't. "I won't let her ask you that. I don't care who she is. Knight -"
He remembers himself, that the Knight should be allowed their space, and wrenches his attention back to them.
"Are you - sorry." He sags, forcing the restless tension out of him for the time being, and gestures at their page, to indicate they should keep talking. "Sorry."
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Date: 2023-03-17 11:17 pm (UTC)After a long moment of stillness, they tip, slowly, until they're pressed against his side.
Lemm doesn't need to be sorry.
I left. I hope that's answer enough.
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Date: 2023-03-18 12:17 am (UTC)Answer enough. He'd meet anyone who asked more of them with the point of his horn.
Lemm breathes in deep. Then out, with a sigh that carries the worst of his nerves (anger) with it.
There are a few false starts - a couple of angry ones, and a more muted one. Ultimately he says nothing.
(He is allowed, it's allowed:) His arm curls around the Knight and pulls them closer, squeezing them to his side by their shoulders.
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Date: 2023-03-18 04:02 am (UTC)The Knight alone has defeated countless foes that dared underestimate them, or that they had to throw themselves at again and again, too stubborn to fall.
Pressed against Lemm, they feel small.
In earlier times, they rarely have. When they had, it was irritating.
It isn't.
One of their paws reaches up across their chest to settle on his arm.
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Date: 2023-03-18 07:59 am (UTC)Though with their paw there, actually, this feels like enough. Which is an unfamiliar thought.
Lemm settles for holding the Knight tucked by his side, shifting so they fit more comfortably. Another wave of protectiveness rolls through him - these are becoming familiar - but this time it feels acted on.
"...Bugs're unfathomable sometimes. Everyone's got a history, and for once I've no taste for the kind I mean. Don't let it get to you." His voice soft, Lemm squeezes their shoulder reassuringly.
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Date: 2023-03-18 08:12 am (UTC)...But they understand what he's intending.
Insulted, hurt. Betrayed.
That's a term for what they're feeling. Betrayed, and yet again, they can't understand the Radiance for what she had done. How could she return with wrath? They want to do nothing more than flee and stay away from Seer forever.
Possible. It's been this long. They could. Currently, it's what they want, but the Knight knows themselves enough. They...do care about her. They like her, despite how they feel she's cracked their mask and the pieces fell somewhere in their chest. If she wants--if she dies for herself, they will not stop her. But they'd rather she not, and she should know this.
Lemm's arm is already around them. Their mind catches up to an idea, and they finally twist and hold him with both of theirs.
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From:absolutely would be a semi-playful middle finger if that was a hk thing. and if they had fingers
From:u little squit
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From:LEMM JESUS CHRIST ;_;
From:sitting on that one for a while ngl
From:💔
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