boxfullofzeroes | voicetest the voiceless

voicetest the voiceless

They're not dead.

Less dead than they'd felt, at least. Their shell doesn't normally take so long to reform.

Then again. Their shell doesn't usually break of their own violation as they ascended in a boiling rage, ate at least one realm, a god, and all the Godseekers.

(That last point is debatable, actually. There's some odd sense, deep under their...shell? Void? Wherever they once stored things like Isma's Tear, much deeper now...that the sea-mind is still there, sluggish and held in a stasis. They're already adjusting enough, and they don't seem to be dying or trying to kill them, so that problem is neatly sorted as 'for later'.)

They push their body to stand. Their horn clangs uncomfortably loudly against the grate they've apparently woken up beneath. They're somewhere in the Royal Waterways. A quick check of the map--or, not so quick, as it takes time to locate where it had been--shows they've risen about halfway through, closer to the City of Tears than the White Palace. They'll go to the Stag Station in the City Storerooms next.

So they think. Complications arise on the way.

The Infection is gone, leaving dead Flukes, Pilflips, and Hwurmps in piles enough it takes time to force their way past. Their body seems too small. No, their body is fine--there's something wrong with perception itself. That will take time to adjust to.

Then, they discover the Monarch Wings now stretch and warp when used, twisting around the nearest pipes after landing before the Knight forcibly calls them back. Shade Wings, they decide to call these.

Once they're high enough to hear the rain above, they realize a noise they'd ascribed to water running in the distance is, in fact, something swirling behind their mask. Many somethings. All the fragments of Siblings with enough self left, staring out from their eyes. It's disconcerting.

By the time they actually get out of the Waterways, they're using their Shade Wings to grip ledges and drag themselves up, with those holding onto things better than their own arms are with the Mantis Claw.

The Knight faceplants awkwardly onto the floor of the building Lemm's shop is in. If the City is the same as below, there's little left to try killing them in the area.

They'll just take a moment here, thanks.

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He sits back, after that. Thinking it all over, trying to make sense of the concepts that don't come naturally, things he has only had to get his head around since coming to Hallownest, and then only recently.

Their explanation is as straightforward as it could be, and tells him more detail about the unification of Void that their previous mentions didn't give.

It is also fairly graphic. The violent death of a god could be nothing else, but the Knight's word choices are... notable.

(Lemm can believe the destruction of the Coliseum all the more for their descriptiveness.)

There's a long pause as it all sinks in properly. Then:

"What a -" (a terribly foreign word, here, that sounds vastly unpleasant in the way he stresses it and means something along the lines of 'fuckoff') "- nightmare."

Lemm folds his arms, glaring at the paper, then heaves a sigh of dogged finality and looks up to meet the Knight with a much more even look.

"It obviously wasn't luck that brought that fight to the finish, but there're few ways of saying it otherwise. I'll consider us damn lucky you came out of that the victor."

The Knight's head snaps up to stare.

They hadn't forgotten Lemm was there, exactly, they just...they got a little lost in the telling.

Jerkily, they nod. Yes, it was.

Yes, it was. Obviously. Everything would have gotten worse, until all was wiped out nearby or she got out, bursting their sibling to pieces and able to lash out as she pleased to what was left.

They knew this, but here it is again: having someone properly express it is different from only considering it alone.

This is the end of the Radiance. Their quill hangs above the paper.

They can add how angry they were. They can add how they nearly, so very nearly lost themselves.

...There are more effects of the Radiance they can focus on, as well. If Lemm has any questions.

The Knight pulls their paw back.

Their surprise almost makes him backpedal and apologise for a curse word he's fairly sure they... can't know. Not why they reacted, he registers a second later.

Lemm looks down expecting them to write, but their pen just hovers. He eyes it intently, as if staring will magically let him in on whatever inner debate they're having. Predictably it does not.

When they pull away he follows the motion with his eyes and then blinks back to their face. Doubtless they noticed that he noticed. Which means they will also be aware that not saying anything about that is a choice.

(...He's already fallen into the trap of overdoing it once today.)

"We'll have to be careful, I expect," Lemm says instead of anything he really wants to. "The things we say around the Moth. How they're said."

Seer. Pause. Is her title, I believe. She might have a name otherwise. But not just 'Moth'.

That might be difficult, they write at the rest. I don't know how.

They never would've been capable of what they did without her help--but they don't even fully know what her goal was. She hinted toward absolving past crimes, whatever that meant to her. She knew what they could do to the Dreamers, and she encouraged them to abilities that reached well past that.

Perhaps she wanted the Radiance free.

There's a discomfiting thought, but it doesn't fit right enough to truly raise hackles.

The statement stands: they don't know how.

...Right. This is not a case of addressing a stranger over a crowded marketplace. There's politeness involved. That at least shouldn't be too hard; he remembers titles just fine, and names... He knows the names of other Relic Seekers, it's not memory that's the problem, it's just that he rarely bothers to ask.

But he doesn't know how to be careful, either. He's had some practice keeping his cool with the Knight, and with the Old Stag and Elderbug, but adding yet another person's social ins-and-outs to the list is daunting - he knows these will be different again. Dishearteningly, he is also going to have to get used to that.

Lemm tries not to look as stiff and uncomfortable as he feels.

"Think I'll just try not to say anything about the Radiance," he decides simply. "Ought to cut out a great lot of problems."

He tilts his head, then.

"...Have you written to her before?"

Awkwardly, they shake their head.

I haven't written to almost anyone. I was busy before. Trying to figure out stopping/killing the Radiance even before I knew what she was, they write with a visible slump.

Lemm doesn't need to. He doesn't need to come at all, but they asked. They turn over the idea of writing this reminder and refrain.

Avoiding that subject might be difficult. for me.

Ah, look at the two of them. Neither of them are feeling very good about this, mirrored images of dejection. For the Knight it's doubtful that it's just about the social aspect.

Lemm looks away after he's caught up with their words, thinking hard.

"Do - hm." False start. "You might write the gist of the problem out here, before we go," he suggests, "and then you can just hand it to her. Might save you some time."

This is a polite mitigation - it's not about time. What he means is it might save the Seer from witnessing any awkward crossings-out or backpedalling. Or accidental spilled opinions on the Radiance they would rather she not see.

The false start is revisited, carefully.

"D'you want... Urgh. Don't want to step on your voice, that's the trouble!" He sighs. "I can answer the simple stuff for you, if it's easier. Likely she'll have questions when she realises you chat back. Shadelord knows I did."

A good idea, thank you. Very reasonable, and they're unused to communication past Lemm and the mapmakers to ever think about it.

They lean back a little. Another thing they wouldn't have thought about, nor expected Lemm to worry over.

They're friends, and that's something friends care about. They haven't had anyone quite like that, and they're used to allowing anyone to speak for them and rolling with assumptions, because correcting them usually wasn't worth the effort.

That's not going to work here.

I won't mind your stepping in, though it'll depend on the questions. I should write the general situation first and try to guess what might come from that. I believe? And isn't that daunting--

Wait a moment.

The Knight glances up and puts a paw on their chest. Shadelord knows, hm?

"Prone to it myself - lists and appraisals and whatnot." Lemm is obviously pleased to have said something helpful, even if he tries to look aloof about it. "Keep it concise and get the important stuff down. If she needs a detail she'll have the sense to ask."

This is not so much a comment about the Seer specifically as it is about bugs in general. He may not be a people-person, but some things are common sense.

"If I'm not certain of the answer, I won't give one. I know well that some things are yours to explain." There. That's - why are they looking at him like that?

...Lemm is suddenly very aware of what he just said. It shows in the way he goes completely rigid, holding their stare. His expression goes stern.

"Now... Now don't!" he insists, pointing a finger at them. "It's convenient. Doesn't mean I'm turning pious!"

That...is something they can manage, they think?

They aren't sure what to feel about it. That title used as actual deity--it's strange. And it's nearly pleasing, on some level. It shouldn't be, they don't particularly care about being the Lord of Shades, though it's less insulting than King. And Lemm being the one to use it leaves it all the more odd.

They're thinking about this more than they need to. They lean into amusement that's in the mess too.

Like usual, the Knight opts for straightforward.

I'd like to (...what's the word? Joke, but not quite--) tease you for that, but my thoughts are too busy. I'll get back to that later. They bat Lemm's stuck-out claw with the soft side of their quill.

Piece said, they get out another paper, for Seer to read. They'll write in larger glyphs. She seemed able to see them, but something about her eyes reminded them of the White Lady, and older bugs seem to have issues with some of their senses anyway. It's best to be polite.

Greetings, Seer. I am the Knight. Much has changed since we last met, and I need some assistance, should you be willing to give it. This is a list of the details, they begin...

Edited 2023-02-26 09:59 (UTC)

Suitably embarrassed, Lemm takes his hand back and... shrinks back a bit, too, eyes narrowed and grumbling a faint, poorly-constructed complaint-or-excuse under his breath that cuts off before it goes anywhere. The Shadelord thing had been an accidental habit developing in his head - it certainly hadn't meant to slip out of his mouth.

Feeling rather agitated suddenly, Lemm slips out of his seat, leaves them to write, and starts rearranging the shelves in a huff.

"Be sure you leave in the part about the mining-bug being in Dirtmouth," he does say after a short while, gruffly and without turning around. "I don't know any more than you do but I'd let her know the girl's... in two. And in no danger. Physically." That they know of. Is he making any sense? Lemm isn't sure, and offers no further explanation because he doesn't have one.

An Arcane Egg is picked up, examined, and then carried across the room as Lemm disappears into the back.

The Knight freezes to watch him go.

They hadn't mean that cruelly. They thought-- he didn't mind that kind of thing, other times.

-I've united with the Void and grown powerful through dreams
-I met with Godseekers, foreign to hallownest looking for gods to attune to to do this
-I am inexperienced with dreams despite wielding the Dream Nail

This is all they get before a knot in their chest sinks all the way through them.

They drop down and quietly tap over to the doorway. Off limits, so they don't even knock.

I won't really. This tiny note is slid on the floor inside.

They're not going to wait and listen. The note is important to write.

Even so, their legs are heavy on the way back to the counter.

Edited 2023-02-26 16:06 (UTC)

He's just getting his bag ready and reminding himself of his own questions, that's all. At least that's his excuse, but really he just got the urge to hide. Taking their title for a turn of phrase? Out loud?

Lemm digs a piece of soft cloth out of a box and wraps the Arcane Egg in it, then takes up his bag and rearranges it until the bundle can rest safely on top of the usual contents. Then, already out of distractions, he sways forward a few inches to let his horn thunk gently against an overhead cupboard and just stands there with his eyes screwed shut. If only he'd just tripped over his own beard or something, that would be vastly less troublesome.

He's taking too long. He should -

- probably read that note on the floor, first.

...

The curtain is swept out of the way as Lemm emerges with his bag, actively looking at the note in his hand, and he wordlessly places it face-down on the counter by their side. Pats it, once.

"I'm not made of glass." Said gently, which should be telling enough that that sentence was code for something else. "How's the letter coming along?"

They scribble out a few more words about not knowing precisely how much she does in the meantime. They even manage to avoid looking up until Lemm's already there.

Yes. I still didn't intend to insult you, they switch writing immediately.

They just don't know what's different this time. Is it because they've been gone too long? Has too much been happening? A sliver of doubt if perhaps he is afraid of the Lord of Shades is banished immediately and irritably.

Their quill hovers above the paper a while longer, not knowing how to articulate this how they wish. If they even should.

Lemm freezes, held in place by their words for a split second. Is that what it looked like-?

"You didn't." He is quick to clarify, and finishes his half-lap of the counter to return to his seat. The bag is gently set down on the floor beside. "I should be relieved it didn't insult you. A few Higher Beings wouldn't take so well to that kind of thing, I'd expect."

It is a struggle to get the meaning right, but he makes an attempt, because the Knight wouldn't be writing to him about it if there hadn't been a crossed wire somewhere.

"Never been the type to say things like that - surprised myself, didn't realise I'd done it. And to your face..." No, that's it, his face presses into his hands and he lets out an agitated little sigh at his inability to explain any further. "Urgh. Don't mind me, Knight. Go on."

He'll be spending a moment in the dark de-cringing, thank you.

It's not something I'm used to or know how to feel about. But I'm not insulted. either.
I thought my threat of future teasing wasn't as fun(?) as I meant it.

--On second glance, their last few lines to Seer are a mess. The Knight crosses them out thoroughly.

Concern, concern, concern. They're still higher-strung than they need to be. For what reason now?

Words. They're wrong, Lemm's informed them, but still: words aren't their favored avenue of interaction. Not ever before. Not with anyone else. They've never struck a blow with something like that, and the feeling of doing it on a friend first--

They haven't.

He hears the pen scratching - could be it's just them working on the letter, but it sounds a little to the left so he doubts it. He's going to have to pull his hands away sooner or later, so Lemm sharply reminds himself he's too old to be acting like a skittish teenager and emerges with a sigh.

It is good to know they're not insulted, but...

"No, no." Insistently Lemm waves this off. A beat, then he folds his arms tightly tucked against his front, and in a more candid way than he'd like: "Not used to it, I take a plain insult much better than I do teasing. Doesn't mean I... Doesn't mean a thing. S'fine."

Another little handwave. He would love to move on from this, but this obstacle has to be cleared, first. What if they never try that again?

"...Could get used to it, if it's well-meant."

You've taken both well. That's part of why I was confused/worried, and you haven't lied before. There's no reason to be false about this. I believe it.

It's obvious even to them that this is going from communication with Lemm to rambling to themselves. They force their paw to stop.

They need to take a walk.

But--their head shifts slightly, looking towards the bag. That would be cruel, disappearing when they have an agreement.

I believe you, but my emotions aren't catching up with my mind. ~~I should~~
Would you like to take a walk ~~first~~ on the way? I need to calm down and I haven't gone through much more than the City's main areas. I can finish the letter somewhere else.

He has been wishing the conversation would magically become something else since their little note was slipped under his curtain. They've done nothing wrong, it's just that... every step of acknowledging leaves him feeling yet more scrutinised. He wants to hide, he doesn't want to examine.

Lemm jumps at the chance to move on and spare both of them. Sharply and abruptly he nods, horn bobbing, then hops down out of his seat as they finish writing.

The appropriate answer is yes, that would be nice. What they get, because he is not that type of bug, is:

"I'll lock up."

Which is ostensibly the same thing.

It's still surprising how fast he's ready to go, but--good. Lemm is restless, as they expected, and if their legs were any longer, they'd be jittering over the counter.

Their map and work-in-progress letter are stowed away. One of the loose Warrior's Grave pins slides off from the former, bouncing and rolling to a stop against Lemm's till, which they barely note and don't care enough to grab back.

The Knight leaps to the floor, prepared.

It is in part because they asked. There is something about knowing the Knight wants to - offered to - wants to walk with him, no need to second-guess, enough. Lemm swipes his bag from the floor and moves -

- Did he dislodge something in his eagerness to get up? Lemm turns back with the intent to gently stop whatever coin or badge or sigil it was before it spins to a halt, worrying that it might be something fragile, but - that isn't his.

The Knight cannot have simply not heard it. Fine. He's antsy, as well. It can sit there until they return for it. Lemm flaps a hand over his shoulder dismissively, like the gesture equivalent of talking to himself, and comes out to lock the door behind them both.

"There's a ground route through the north to east side of the Capital," he informs them, fumbling his key back into his bag. (They're with him. No need to stow the thing.) "Roundabout, for where we're headed." It's a suggestion, and toned as such.

They nod firmly.

Lead the way.

Lemm entirely knows best here, and this is for both of them. Iselda and Cornifer know they're likely to be a while--Cornifer tends to need a good wandering the same way--and Seer (likely, they don't know the extent of what she knows through dream-knowledge) isn't expecting them. The Knight won't stop him even if he leads them around half the city.

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voicetest the voiceless

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think i nuked my emails and missed this tag. incredible

that's a mood

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